High Conflict
April is Workplace Conflict Awareness Month. Conflict these days seems to be all around us, especially outside of the workplace.
I was introduced to the book High Conflict by Amanda Ripley last year and noted at the time it would be a good topic for this month.
Ripley, an investigative journalist, looks at conflict on a broader societal scale and explores why we get trapped in conflict and how we can get out of it. She defines high conflict as a conflict that becomes self-perpetuating and all-consuming in which almost everyone involved ends up worse off.
High conflict is conflict for conflict’s sake, often showing up in divorces, politics, neighborhood disputes, and workplaces. It can be accompanied by cycles of hostility and blame. In contrast, good conflict, while stressful, can lead to positive change and allow us to understand each other and improve.
How do we get into high conflict? Ripley lays out the following framework as the causes:
False binary where there is a dangerous redirection of realities or choices into just two which results into an us against them situation.
Firestarter or accelerants such as group identities (think gang membership) or supercharged emotions. An example of this might be a forced and public humiliation resulting in an unjustified loss of dignity, pride or status which supercharges the conflict.
Conflict entrepreneurs who inflame the situation through manipulation to boost their popularity and power.
Do emotions play a role in high conflict? Yes, and Ripley discusses the difference in emotions in good conflict and high conflict:
● Anger in good conflict versus contempt in high conflict
● Surprise in good conflict versus predictability in high conflict
● Movement in good conflict versus rigidity in high conflict
● Complexity in good conflict versus simplicity in high conflict
● Curiosity in good conflict versus righteousness in high conflict
● Passion in good conflict versus arrogance in high conflict
How do we get out of high conflict?
Find space from the firestarter and lean into the conflict. This may be counterintuitive, but listen to each other. Use active listening skills. Articulate what the other person(s) has said in your own words and check for understanding.
Blur the binary thinking and recognize that not everyone or every solution fits into two neat camps or two neat boxes.
Investigate the understory – what causes the other side to think or believe what they do. Be curious and respect each other’s beliefs and points of view without trying to convince them to embrace yours.
High Conflict was interesting to read because Ripley incorporated stories about actual high conflict situations that drew the reader in. If you want to learn more, you can listen to a keynote speech she gave on the subject in 2021 at the National Summit of Education.
You may also want to read her analysis and opinion on how today’s lawmakers might actually collaborate and get things done. Or look for Ripley’s podcast on Apple podcasts.
Ripley’s tips for getting out of high conflict can work just as easily for good conflict in the workplace. They are many of the same strategies we discuss in The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook: investigating and getting to the root of the problem, using good listening and communication skills, moving away from positions, finding common interests, and finding creative solutions.
Remember: Conflict is often creativity trying to happen.